July... 5 months after my "promotion". God! 5 months already? Sounds that long but feels so fast. 5 freaking months as a team lead but I don't feel like I've matured as one. Still struggling. Still confused of what I should do and what I am actually doing.

Yeah, the first 2-3 months were gruelling, stressing over something that hasn't arrived yet. Getting sleepless weekends thinking, "what if the customer calls back looking for my sorry ass? what next?"

Then there are those SMEs (Subject Matter Experts) who, I think, were designed to whine and grope at EVERY little task they feel they are not obligated to do. Yet, they want to move up. Ironic, isn't it? They gripe and gripe but if you ask them what's going on, they say that everything is fine. They are ok, I guess. They just need to take time to simmer down and be grateful for what they have. I mean, if they just see the things we go through, I think they'll think twice and just be thankful that they are where they are.

Then there is this unspoken tension among peers. Well, Mark, Jet, Jaz, and Mike, I look up to. God knows where I will be without them. Then there's Llaverne who gets picked on. Makes me think, "God! give her a break! she does not deserve this! she's busting her ass to make work a little better for everyone.

"Why can't girls just get along?

I mean, us guys. We blend. Mark, Mike, Jet, Richmond and I don't have any worries. swabe lang. I mean, something does not feel right, we tell it straight to each other's faces, accept the fact, then move on. That simple. Yeah, there are some ego issues, but we learn to live with it. Girls? Argh! A different story altogether. You have to be careful not to step on their ego or it's the cleaners for you. "First Impressions Last" holds true to girls. Once you've made your mark and they don't like it, to hell with you. For us guys, we just give the person a hard time at first and when he has proven himself, he's in. I mean, can't girls be a little more accepting?

Then there are my agents, a collage of personalities. One moment, they are alright, the next moment they are back biting everyone in sight! Can't step in because it's none of my business. But as I've told them, if it starts to affect the way they work, then I'll step in.

Sure hope all the things I need to learn, I learn it quick. It's tough being a team lead without all the tools you need handy. That is why I look up to Mark, Jet, Mike, and Jaz... they seem to know what to ask, when to ask, and why they need to ask it. All I do is nod.

6 more months... that's all I'm asking. If all goes well, I'll be ready enough to move up again and be an Account Manager. IF all goes well...

Damn Syet!